Ginger Vee My Chronic Life

Going ‘no contact’ is not a once ‘n done situation. I was 38 years old when I finally had enough courage to walk away and not look back. It’s astounding to me how I let 2 people control my life for so long; even after I became a wife and mother. The manipulation worked for so long, the guilt trips caught me up every single time, their lies were my only truth for my entire life. Stepping away, finding my voice – my autonomy – it’s been scary and, honestly, a little lonely. I no longer had any relationship with 3 people who were my family, my best friend, my social life and confidante.

When I said to my dad, “I’m done. I’m breaking up with you,” I knew I was never going to speak to him again, and I’d never been more relieved than when I hung up the phone. When my twin sister refused to “accept” her own child, I saw her pure selfishness and it was the last straw. It wasn’t until I broke free of their narcissism that I truly realized what they did to me. To not be bullied after a lifetime of being bullied was strange. I had to learn what boundaries were after I’d started setting them. I had to learn how to make my own decisions because they’d been made for me for so long. The world loomed large without their shadows hanging over me.

I can spot a narcissist a mile away now, and I know what tricks to look out for, and the best way to not fall into their hole? It’s simple: Do not engage, no matter how much they try to bait you. I get texts from random numbers every once in a while, and they always catch me off guard. I received a few such texts earlier this week, and it’s been really challenging to not respond. I would love to defend myself, to clarify that it is indeed ME who has severed our relationship and NOT my husband controlling me, or making me, or not “allowing” a relationship. (Which, if that’s not telling of how little they think of me, I don’t know what is. Believe it or not, I am capable of making my own life choices and strong enough to hold my own boundaries, fuck you very much.) I would love to laugh in her face as she threatens me, bullies me, berates me and generally drunkenly rants, but I cannot. It’s simply not safe to engage in such antics in any way. And, I know that. It doesn’t mean it’s not hard, though. I know she wants my anger, my attention, and to make me feel bad, and I refuse to give it to her/them. To be clear, these particular texts are from my oldest sister, who talks to me like shit, constantly disrespects our mother, is transphobic against her own nephew, is abhorrently racist, bigoted and hateful and is one of the most, if not the most, selfish person I’ve ever met. She will lie, cheat, manipulate, and break you down until you bend to her whim and will. She will bleed you dry then get pissed that you got blood on her shoes.

I’m happier now, without them, than I’ve ever been. It’s pretty great not living life in constant fight or flight mode. I’ve finally extracted their poison from my life and the wounds are healing. I’m healing. Obviously. Because it wasn’t too long ago that I would have responded to those horrendous messages from someone who wants a relationship with me. I mean, who talks to someone so horrifically and then demands “sisterhood”?!! Well, I’ve grown and her insults, the cuts she tries to make, they miss now. I know they’re there, and they scare me, but I’m better equipped to dodge them now. That’s not to say it’s easy. I have a lot to say, but it would all fall on deaf ears, and I know that.

Breaking away, cutting ties, going ‘no contact’ might be one of the toughest and scariest things you’ll ever do, but, thankfully, we can do hard things. 💜