Ginger Vee My Chronic Life

Dear Sweet Girl,

I know that life swirls around you at a chaotic and confusing pace. I know you desire nothing more than to disappear and be invisible, most days. I know your pain, I know your hurt that you keep tucked inside. “Fake it til ya make” it gets you through your days now, but eventually you’ll learn that you don’t have to fake anything. It’s completely safe to be you.

Eventually you do break free and sever that cord that ties you to that identical DNA that tortures you, and it’s imperative that you know that you never deserve to be mistreated. Even crazier, you are not obligated to love anyone. Including family. You don’t even have to like them.

But dude, kiddo, once you learn your worth, you will realize when others are trying to sell you short, but you must know, you don’t deserve to be short changed. Ever. You are valuable. Your opinions, pain, preferences, needs, are just as important as anyone else’s. Your pain is not selfish.

That facade of a “happy, healthy” family, that you’re suffocating under, will fade once you separate yourself from their picture perfect lies. One day, I promise you, you will finally extract the poison of negativity, control, and narcissism that you’ve been saturated with since birth.

I promise you, there are people out there who genuinely care about what you have to say. I promise that there are kind, loving, empathetic souls out there and you won’t have to hide or cower forever.

Seriously, NO ONE has the right to mistreat you. Ever. It’s ok to not be liked by everyone. Literally, as long as you like yourself, that’s the only person that matters. Remove your ego. Separate yourself from your expectations, and just allow life to flow freely and organically. Don’t stress. You don’t have to like every part of a person to love them or be their friend. Give grace. Build a village.

Surround yourself with people who love you and adore you, unequivocally. Surround yourself with people who take the time and make the effort to get to know you. You will be loved, wholly, and people will not only accept you, they’ll rejoice in your magnificent “you’ness.”

It’s been fun, getting to know you these past few years. I think it’s awesome that you still love to sing, and you still sing really well! And keep dancing (like a fly Girl)…dude you’ll even dance on stage with Bone Thugs, and Vockah Redu one day.

It’s pretty awesome that you still write poetry, and you still make art with your words. I know you think no one cares about what you have to say, but recently, I’ve learned, that that may not be the case. What you have to say does matter. I’ve also learned that people aren’t judging you as often as you are told they are. Mostly, everyone else is too busy thinking everyone else is judging them and being self-conscious, then to really pay much attention to you at all.

They don’t even bother to get to know your name right now, right? Better to be known as “The Skinny One” then nothing, is what you think now, but, your individuality, your “you’ness” will blossom one day, and all those who matter will know what your name is. It’s ok to be you. It’s ok to speak differently and think differently. Hey, seriously, it’s even ok to not look like anyone else. You want pink hair? Go for it! Nose rings, even if your dad calls you a cow, are fun…if you want piercings, tattoos, to learn to ride a motorcycle, you can do it! You, my dear, don’t HAVE to be who they say you are.

Wear what you want. Don’t wait for a special day to wear a pretty dress or use the fancy, expensive perfume. Every day is worthy of celebration. Do what brings you joy as often as you can, because your “good” days are still sorta difficult to come by. Cherish every good moment. Bathe in it. Every single one. Just, be you, and, ALWAYS, always, be authentic. You’ll have no lies to track, no facades to manage. It’s really just much easier.

It sounds mean, I know, but it’s in our darkest moments that we grow the most. I encourage you to face them with faith. Heartbreak, having no money, and bein’ broke, and dealing with disappointment are all pretty inevitable. Scary, sad, neverending days will happen, but look for the hidden blessings, child. Even in your most desperate darkness, you have much to be thankful for. Focus on that gratitude. Focus on the blessings. It doesn’t prevent difficult days, but it sure helps you survive them. And, as corny as it sounds, every moment is worthy of gratitude.

Nurture your body, mind and spirit. Vibrate with positivity. Emanate love for yourself, and let kindness pour out of you. Believe in yourself. Share your talents with the world. Take up space! You are far too magnificent to fade into the shadows, even though that’s where they kept you, and it’s what you get used to. Love yourself, genuinely, and the universe will respond in kind. Know your worth, and be willing to defend it, regardless of who tries to cheapen you, and undervalue you.

Trust your instincts! Clammy hands, racing heart, upset stomach, energy feeling off, feeling like running away, even if there’s “nothing” to run from, jumbled mind, second guessing…these are all signs, physiological signs and spiritual signs, that you should adhere to, and respect, because your intuition is trying to tell you that something in that particular situation is not groovy. It’s apparent when a person or activity does not align with your spiritual energy. There are warning signs. Pay heed to them! The world is ALWAYS communicating with you, so be sure to be tuned in, and be constantly vigilant and observant. This is going to protect you in many ways, but will help the most when it comes to your fears, phobias, and OCD. Trust your judgement! Trust God. Trust in the Universe. In every situation, trust in those 3 things, and don’t be afraid to upset others, or fear embarrassment; if a situation or person doesn’t jive with you, get out’a there. Manipulation and guilt trips are simply last ditch efforts to control you, don’t fall for them.

Ok, no joke, therapy is good. Even if you’re not “crazy”…which you kinda are, but it’s like, totally ok.

It’s ok to be afraid, but don’t let your fears limit you or hold you back. Don’t let them control you. Airplanes are scary. Ride them anyway. Therapy isn’t a bad thing. Needing help isn’t a shameful thing. Sometimes the anger we feel can be sedated by remembering that you can’t ask others to do something they’re unwilling or unable to do. It’s imperative that you remember that you are capable of far more than you give yourself credit for. There are people who can help you break free from the competition, judgement, disappointment…break free from those who do not bring you joy. It’s ok to ask for help. It does not make you weak. Boundaries are awesome and essential to your life.

Your pain is not your fault. Your mental illness, you’ll learn, does not mean, you are “broken.” Breathe. When the pain consumes you, don’t ask God “why”…just connect with your breath, your very life force, and trust that God built you to withstand the human condition. He didn’t cause the pain, but He gave you the tools and life lessons to be able to live your best life DESPITE the pain. Trust. But, don’t trust blindly. Again, boundaries are essential.

I know this is gonna come off all funky like, but you gotta know…Don’t have sex with someone just to be polite. Don’t worry about making them angry or injuring their ego. In fact, don’t do ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable just for the sake of saving feelings. Other’s feelings don’t trump yours. Your feelings matter. Your worth isn’t based on whether or not you have a boyfriend. Respect your body, and remember to listen to your intuition. If your body says no, your mind says no, then you better be sayin’ the word “no.”

The things you do set a precedent. Your reputation matters. Your words can hurt, use them wisely. Lead by example, not dictatorship. There is no need to tell others how to behave. Just you do what’s best for you and trust that everyone else is doing the exact same thing.

Most importantly, I need you to know, your kindness matters. You are able to make an impact on others simply by your kind, genuine heart. Keep on bein’ “The Nice One” and eventually you’ll just be known as you.

I look forward to the day you love you as much as I do,

Ginger Vee

Oh, P.S. my most recent revelation: Most everyone lies. All the time. I know you don’t, so it’s surprising, but it’s true nonetheless.