Ginger Vee My Chronic Life

TW: Emetophobia!!!!!!🛑🛑🛑

It’s been a tough, very long 40 hours or so. In the past, folks have told me to not be too “negative” on my page, or “don’t focus on your pain [problems] so much”.. Well, pain is my life. Positive, negative or otherwise, this is my life. And, on this particular page, I strive for authenticity and openness about my unique, chronic illness, life. On days like today when pain is all I can comprehend, I’m not being negative, I’m just living my life and sharing it with you.
I haven’t eaten in 3 days. I’ve vomited so much for so long, I literally have nothing in me. Since I can’t keep food down, I can’t take any medications. I have Emetophobia. I correlate vomit with death, so throwing up it is terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. Think of your worst fear, and multiply it by a 100, that’s a phobia, multiply it by 200 that’s my phobia. Thank God for Lee! Reminding me that I’m not going to die as I shake and tremble physically so much I can hardly stand. In far too much pain to cry, even though that’s all I want to do. I’ve taken 5 showers since 1pm yesterday, mostly laying on the floor of it or leaning against my sweet, supportive husband as he massages my neck, and jaw. Mostly, while laying there, I count my breaths to remind myself that I’m alive, to center myself, and to do my best to release the pain, and, I pray. I thank God for giving me the strength to survive this extreme, mind blowing pain. I thank Him for my husband, for my understanding children, compassionate village and Ruth. I’m always most thankful for her & Bill too (RIP). The love they’ve always shown me, there for me at the drop of a dime, loving me unconditionally, never making me feel selfish or weak…there is never a moment where I take any of that for granted. I’d never had that before. I thank Jesus for blessing me with the abilities to survive this human condition of mine. I don’t blame Him, or question Him, no..no. I’m far too blessed to complain.
So, in all Ginger Vee honesty, today sucks. It really fucking sucks. My phobias and pain are relentless and uncontrollable. Covid cases are up everywhere and it’s utterly terrifying. Yup. Covid makes you vomit. So, I’m struggling, y’all. Big time. That’s the truth. Take it or leave it – just don’t judge it. 🕉️